Dear John SERIES

Dear John (The Paused Part): my version. When the music is on "pause", it won't play or stop unless you make it. PART 4

Dear John,

Or not.

Again, this is not meant for you to read. Nor is it for others to. It’s merely for my silently screaming heart that's tired of reading between the lines. And needs to breathe. But if you happen to come across this note… I need this. And maybe you do too. But again, this isn't meant for you to read... But this time, maybe I want you to. So listen. Just listen.

I let you go because I thought I could save our friendship. But now you're letting me go. And what's left of us is a half-dead friendship lying on the ground naked. Why? Because it seems like that's what you want. I get what you're doing. But lemme tell you something. It's not working. You know that I'm here to stay. You know that our friendship isn't one that I could just throw away. So what I'm saying is that if you don't want to keep me,
Dear John, just say so...
You don't need to pretend to be someone else and make yourself look bad to turn me off. It's no use, I tell you. Don't you see? You've done that a couple of times before and look, I'm still here. I mean, what's there to lose when you've already turned the switch off lotsa times? I know that you are far from perfect. I already know that. So why not save yourself from doing something in vain? A real friend loves unconditionally. That's exactly what I am. A friend. If you can't accept that, if you can't accept me as a friend,
Dear John, just say so...
I don't expect much from you. We've been through a lot and you've already turned me down lotsa times. I can't deny that I did expect a little. But I'd be a stupid pathetic fool (redundant isn't it?) if I still expect from you. When you told me to consider you as lost, subconscious expectations of you as a better man left me. That was when I kissed romance goodbye. But friendship never left. He hesitated just because. He told my heart to keep you. He reminded me that it's not the end of a friendship after the end of a romance. He made me shake hands with the meaning of depth. He taught me to let go of expectations because it'll only hold us down. So believe me when I say I don't expect much from you anymore. If I do, I'd get my heart broken a thousand times. I won't waste time hurting myself. Someone once told me that I'm better than that. And that someone happens to be you. So
Dear John, I don't expect much from you. The only thing I want is that you'd be real with me. That you'd be just yourself with me. That's it. That's it. It isn't so hard. That is if you want to keep me. So if you don't want to,
Dear John, just say so...

And I
Sigh... And a thousand more.

I'm not asking for another shot. I want you to say what you want to say. And mean it.
When the music is on "pause", it won't play or stop unless you make it. So
Dear John, just say so...
And when you do, mean it. Don't say it just so that. Say it because you mean it. And when you do, I'll be gone. If that's what you want.
Otherwise, you know that

Sincerely,
I'm here to stay.

P.S.
I don't usually say this (Because when I do, I mean it.), but I do think I know exactly how you feel about expectations and the mere concept of it. It actually feels as though I'm talking to myself. In court, I know a lot who'll witness to it. To the fact that I tell the world I'll let him down. Over and over again. I know someone (or someoneS) out there who'll read this note nodding and saying that he/she's heard that from me more than once. "I'll let you down." Sometimes even, expectations get the best of me. You've no idea. And that is why unconditional love became so important to me. I just want you to know that I'm not saying all these as someone who knows nothing about how you feel. Trust me. I know.
:)