Learning to breathe.

by Andrea Moredo on Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 10:08am

Dear God,
It is the eighth of January on my twentieth year. I know I've been a b*tch somehow. Numb, stubborn, selfish. I did things. You would know. Interesting things that most would call wild. And it's cliche if I tell you I regret them. But the thing is, I don't. I don't regret them. I'm actually happy they happened. They're experiences, I learn. Fun, insightful. Sigh... Sorry for not being sorry. I don't want to lie.
I keep wanting to touch you. I keep wanting to know you're real. I keep making reasons and breaking rules. I hate rules. I keep wanting an explanation. I can't even tell you that I love you anymore. It's like I don't feel a thing. I still don't know much. Questions without answers. I still dare you to be real to me. Because I still doubt who you are. Or if you even exist. For that, I am slightly sorry. And for that, I am so sorry.
But I've decided to just let it go. If this is what you call surrender.
And yeah, the word still makes me shiver. "Surrender." *shivers*
Then again, isn't that the point? Doin' something you don't want is surrendering.
I'm doin' this because I'm bored and I want change. There's gotta be more to life. Stacie Orrico knew.
So this is not the expected reason. So I'm not so inspiring. So I sound like a total sinner, I sound so wrong.
But I don't know exactly what and how to tell you. My prayers are rusty, and I don't want to blurt out lies.
So this is the way that I say I need you. This is the way that I say I'm yours. This is the way that I'm learning to breathe. Break my fall. Be strong enough.
Sincerely,
ANDREA