Dear John SERIES

Dear John,

Or not.

It's been the longest January. This is one of the most honest (and perhaps the most embarrassing) notes you'll ever "come across"... I'll skip the intro. You already know.

You once told me that you think I don't know what I want. Well, I do. I want you. But I want more of you. I want you to want more of me. I want you to want to know me. And I mean get to know me. I want time. But I can't demand that. And it makes me mad. Not at you. But at myself. Because I miss you. And I hate it.

I thought I could live with it. But I'm barely hanging on. I end up just lying to you and to myself. And it gets tiring. A box of denial, hesitation, blurry lines, compromise, inconsistencies. All because of the same fear of losing you. Now, isn't that familiar? And why the fear? There are just some things that I can't explain.

But you don't control me. And that's why I'm writing this.

You turned it all around. I hope you're happy now. The heart breaker meets her match. You definitely win. You don't deserve me like I don't deserve you. Don't keep me waiting. You know I don't like to wait. I had fun, that I can't deny. We had fun. But there's more to me, to life and love. That's what I wish you knew. I want a man who makes me feel wanted, adored, special. And right now, that's not you.

I was okay with just havin' fun. But it didn't mean I was okay with you taking me for granted. I got worth. Too bad you still don't know how to hold on to it.

And that's for making me miss you.

Sincerely,

I'd be lying to you and to myself again if I told you goodbye.

We both know that weird indefinable connection stays. So I'll be honest and say that I don't know exactly what to do with you. So, whatever. I guess I'll just end by saying... Have a nice life!

P.S.

Sigh... I just gotta say this.

I miss Star. But I don't want to take it back. So...

I'm still hoping for THE gift. Just sayin'...

Dear John SERIES

Dear John,

There are things that I can't tell you because of my pride. Like...

I'm mad because I miss you.

And when I do, I pretend that I don't. That's when I seem kinda off.

Sincerely,

Sorry if I've been kinda off lately...

Learning to breathe.

by Andrea Moredo on Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 10:08am

Dear God,
It is the eighth of January on my twentieth year. I know I've been a b*tch somehow. Numb, stubborn, selfish. I did things. You would know. Interesting things that most would call wild. And it's cliche if I tell you I regret them. But the thing is, I don't. I don't regret them. I'm actually happy they happened. They're experiences, I learn. Fun, insightful. Sigh... Sorry for not being sorry. I don't want to lie.
I keep wanting to touch you. I keep wanting to know you're real. I keep making reasons and breaking rules. I hate rules. I keep wanting an explanation. I can't even tell you that I love you anymore. It's like I don't feel a thing. I still don't know much. Questions without answers. I still dare you to be real to me. Because I still doubt who you are. Or if you even exist. For that, I am slightly sorry. And for that, I am so sorry.
But I've decided to just let it go. If this is what you call surrender.
And yeah, the word still makes me shiver. "Surrender." *shivers*
Then again, isn't that the point? Doin' something you don't want is surrendering.
I'm doin' this because I'm bored and I want change. There's gotta be more to life. Stacie Orrico knew.
So this is not the expected reason. So I'm not so inspiring. So I sound like a total sinner, I sound so wrong.
But I don't know exactly what and how to tell you. My prayers are rusty, and I don't want to blurt out lies.
So this is the way that I say I need you. This is the way that I say I'm yours. This is the way that I'm learning to breathe. Break my fall. Be strong enough.
Sincerely,
ANDREA

There's gotta be more to life.

by Andrea Moredo on Friday, January 7, 2011 at 7:18pm

I want more.

I've had enough of something not enough.

Change is beautiful! Yeauh!

Dear John SERIES

Sweetly Stubborn Stranger

John,

This is not meant for you to read. Nor is it for others to. But if you happen to come across this note,

Sigh... Just don't flatter yourself too much, okay?

Stranger,

You're sweetly stubborn.

And I hate that you know I like it.

Ugh. How you make me smile when I'm mad. How your kiss makes me shut up. How you turn everything around! Ugh! How dare you?!

Sincerely,

Someone misses you too.

But pretend you don't know that. It's a stranger's little secret.